Wishing

The one good thing about feeling so awful when i see them together is that i don't want to eat. For me that's a relief at least. I want to know how much i weigh and if i'm losing but i'm too terrified to find out. Maybe if i was as skinny as her, as pretty he would look at me like he does her. But i don't mean that do i? I love her too much as a friend to want to take him away from her. Don't I? Not that that would be possible. I'm too fat and unappealing to ever attract anyone. I wish i could be like her so badly that it hurts. pressing on my chest like a dead weight. I can barely breathe with that thought in my mind. If only...

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