A word of warning before i begin...

Have you ever wanted to close your eyes and sleep for a thousand years...
 I suppose many of you have, I certainly feel that way a lot. Maybe too often if I'm honest. Sometimes things are just too hard, too disfigured in the cold light of day for us to set our eyes upon. Dealing with the problems too difficult that we silently hope for darkness to close in and for everything to disappear, at least for a moment. I sometimes wish that there was a pause button for my life, for when things get too hard to cope with, so that i can take a break. To rest. To think. And sometimes just to breathe. It's not like I have a particularly hard life. I'm well off. Have a family, friends. I'm not alone. But sometimes I feel so lonely, and empty. I just want it all to stop. At least for a little while. Do any of you ever feel like that?
 I shouldn't really complain. I'm basically whining. To be honest I'm not a very good person in general and this is just one of my many flaws. It goes along with my less than average looks, my inability to fall for the right person, my typical ineptitude when it comes to others emotions and my overall lack of enthusiasm for almost anything. I'm often left feeling, in a crowd of people, invisible. As if no one cares or even notices that I'm not happy, smiling, laughing or even talking. Just silent as their voices wash over me in a swirling wave of emotions that seem so far away from me, so out of my grasp that I will myself just to disappear, to fade away into the nothingness that seems to plague my existence.
 Again that sounds selfish. I'm to self-associated really. I guess I shouldn't be so pitiful but I can't really stop. Just another one of my countless faults. Like crushing on my best friend's boyfriend or brother's mate, and inability to act like a normal person. I judge everything without meaning to. And question everyone when I should trust them.
 I want to warn you all, if anyone actually reads this, that I'm an awful being and you shouldn't waste your time on, but even so I hope that you will. That among all this angst and melodrama there's something worth knowing about my life. Something of interest and likeable. Something less than hateful. It's your choice, though. And truthfully I wouldn't blame you if you leave now and never return. Don't spare me a thought. After all, I'm just nobody. Another ugly, not-so-little, broken thing.
 X